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Feivel

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old friend [Mar. 15th, 2012|12:35 am]
Feivel

it's been over a year since i've made a post here.

lack of ambition.

they say intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings.

stumbling around in a dark room wont help you find your wings.

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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2011|04:53 am]
Feivel
this week i've felt like i've gained so much. but in the end i realize just how much i've lost.

=(
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heroic [Jan. 20th, 2011|05:04 pm]
Feivel
[Current Mood |awakeawake]

for some reason this past week i've felt like everything is as it should be. i'm very happy and content with my life currently. i have no desire to pursue any females and i'm more than fine with that. i'm perfectly happy with being single and have no wishes to change this.

maybe i'm just growing up, becoming an adult, and if so i really like becoming an adult. i feel like i have full control over my life, which i haven't felt constantly at any point as far as my memory claims.

i feel strong enough to take on any challenge life throws at me, and i know i'll come out on top somehow.

i feel like i've leveled up, i've learned something that i didn't know before, yet i can't think of what it is. somehow i feel like everything is working as intended, and it's amazing.

work is going great, this whole week has been fun. the tables i'm serving are really nice people, and some of them have had some pretty interesting stories that they've shared with me. today for example i had a large party, one of the gentlemen came in a half hour early just in case we were busy, since sometimes on thursday we are busy. today we weren't busy, we were abnormally slow for a thursday. well i had some spare time so i talked to him about just random things, he asked me what i wanted for a career, if the hospitality was it or something else. i told him film always gave me an interest but i have not pursued it in any form, college aspect wise. he said he wasted some time in his youth, claimed it was fun but looking back he wished he spent it wiser. he was a tax adviser, or a retired one rather, he didn't hate his work ever, but he didn't have a passion per say. i agreed with him that a job you don't love is just fine, it's only important that you don't hate it.

i feel like i'm understanding humans a lot better than ever before, and my past thoughts on humans as a whole is altered. however i still do not like how ignorant or evil some of us can be, but that just makes me strive even more to be kind, generous, and aware of my fellow human beings.

if i could have any wish it would be that every human could take in consideration for the rest of the group, to understand that we're all here and we all want to be happy/content. i don't see why it should be so difficult for us to be united as a whole race. i do understand that in our current society we could not have a form of government that could run the entire world under one common goal, though i do hopelessly wish we could somehow achieve such a thing.

i don't understand why we should have wars anymore, since the basic principle of war was to establish territory or dominance over another tribe of humans. if all nations of the world could unite and focus on developing clean, new, reusable technology then maybe we have a chance to explore space. which i say is the most important thing for every human to understand. regardless of religious believes or anything else, it should be undeniable that we must venture into space. that we must learn more how to harness it as we have so many other things on this world. i believe space travel is very possible, we just need to discover a good/safe way of doing so. what better way to try learning space than as a whole race?

if i could have a second wish, it would be that everyone strives to unite with one and other in hopes of conquering the ability to traverse space in a time efficient manner.

anything and everything is possible in this universe, so i say this is not such a hard thing to accomplish. at least if we were able to realize we're all humans, and we must all strive to make everyone feel safe and happy.


sadly so many humans will disagree with me on all of this.
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the wind of change blows [Dec. 25th, 2010|01:29 am]
Feivel
it seems some of us are definitely feeling it.

the dwelling area is pure once more, time for thought to ensure.


time for fun.





insanity has taken a strong hold at this point, but madness is far away.



time to zone out and sleep. time for breakfast and hopefully not the last, damn i hope not the last.



2011 is going to be a grand year, my bones don't lie.
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Time is the devils work [Dec. 5th, 2010|01:34 pm]
Feivel
it's been a terrible year to say the least, and it didn't end with a whimper, but with a bang.

fuck you 2010 is all i can say. i thought 2008 was a bad year, but 2010 took the cake by far. what i hate most is sure it's the worst for now, but wait for the future when things get worse. when i'll look back 2010 wouldn't have seemed so bad. such a morbid view, yet it's the truth. we can't hide from the truth no matter how hard we try to. (i think i like hiding from it the most)

two posts in a row is something i didn't want so i just didn't come here. slowly and surely i found my way back.

November was terrible. experienced what it was like to lose a friend. he wasn't the closet friend, but he was someone you just knew was there for you if you need it. he was a good one, and that's not even doing justice. (want to be a better writer right about now)

to think the last time i saw him i served him at the bees, and i thought at the time "damn it's been too long since i've hung out with Eric." memories can suck more than real time.

November was terrible. my cat Silver of 17 years old was put down near the end of the month. i'd only ever been around one cat being put down like that, as different as it was i still remember i cried because death is just damn sad. he was my first cat so that made it pretty fucking hard. but i had time to think about it luckily, something death doesn't get a chance for most the time. he was going downhill, and it always goes fast. i couldn't let him go out that way. it's hard to bury your cat.

so we hope December shines brighter, it is the time people are warmest. my molars are acting up, possibly my wisdom teeth but it's hard to tell. one side curved up last night while i was working, hurt a bit to talk to tables so i had a funny voice. this morning the other side starting slightly curving up. i don't get dental til jan 1st. oh 2010 why do you have to be so evil?
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numb [Oct. 22nd, 2010|12:47 am]
Feivel
one of my best friends dad died hours ago. he had a great father, a man i wish i knew better.


life sure is strange.
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wordless meaningless [Oct. 17th, 2010|02:03 am]
Feivel
a few new ideas have come to fruition. some good society has crumbled type shit.


i don't have much good to say so this will be a quick post.


i'm losing myself in time, losing those moments one day i'll wish back. because i know this the next logic is to do something about it, change it up. i feel like i just can't do that anymore. my expectations are unreal, illogical.


i'm tired of setting myself in a thousand different realities when i know the true end.



why does society make us think love is all we need. when i was young i thought it would make everything perfect, with age i'm learning that it makes things bearable.,


why can't i just go home.
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fuck [Sep. 3rd, 2010|01:54 pm]
Feivel
i have $7 to my name, and i wont get more green paper until tuesday. i have no gas in my car and i've run out of smokes yesterday. my food stuffs is running low and most of it has expired. nothing is going the way i want it to.

i have no desire to play ANY video games, and i hate when i'm like this because then there is NOTHING for me to do.


put the cherry on top with her ignoring me. today is a great day so far. =/
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whoops [Sep. 2nd, 2010|03:26 am]
Feivel
if you saw that last entry, you are lucky. i've decided it's in my best interests to keep it private. some things are not meant to be known i suppose.
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endless rotations within the pattern [Aug. 31st, 2010|02:53 am]
Feivel
finished book 6, however i ended up letting tim borrow book 7 cuz he reads way faster than i do. but now i feel like i have NOTHING to do, i don't really feel like reading anything, unless it's hitchhikers guide. always down to read that shit.

friday was a good day, then the night was very exhausting. constant shifts of mood changes and frustration, but it did end well with an unexpected twist.

saturday was even better. going thru with the original plans without even making them.

sunday was the best. even though work was slow, i got to kick it with my uncle an watch some whacked movie called Slipstream, which i recommend watching. then she came over and we cleaned up my room pretty damn well. i'd say in two more cleaning jobs it'll be mint condition, and dust free.

today was good too, but after that exciting weekend i don't really mind that it wasn't as awesome.


i know what the future holds for me. patterns don't change. but this part of the pattern will always be my favorite, and because of that fact it'll only make me seek out the next time it comes around in the rotation.

i know i'm stupid, i know i've gone against what i said i would do. i just can't help myself. it could be worse, it will be worse. i hope joey's right for once, just this once would be nice.
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